Getting fired from a German startup (part 2)
… or How I Got the Company Urinal Named After Me
It is a lot easier to get sacked in Germany than you think. The following is a condensed account and how I fought back and ended up earning me some cash and a monumental legacy.
All events in this three-part series took place between post-Brexit and pre-Trump. Places and names have been altered to protect the innocent.
Thursday, Mid August, 11:30 am
Gary stood at the end of the conference room, an imposing figure. He demanded to know me what I did. “A plea for a pragmatic resolution to our conundrum.” I told them.
“You are the fucking conundrum,” Gary yelled with a spray of spit coming out of his mouth. “And now you want to take advantage of us with your lawyer friend?” Ernest must have told him; only he knew Milhouse is a friend of mine.
“Just think of the legal costs Gary and I have to pay for this pointless charade, and the unnecessary danger you put us all in.” Ace put on his good-cop façade as Gary resumed his verbal assault, quickly revealing why they found it pointless and unnecessary.
“Just watch, you ungrateful sonuvabitch. We will go after you with everything we got and you’re gonna lose and you’re not going to get a cent from us!”
Tuesday, Mid August, 12:00 pm
Per Milhouse’s instructions I kept my mouth shut and took notes throughout. How funny to all to know that it was just about themselves. We met for lunch. He didn’t think the meeting would surmount to anything at all; he’d seen enough from both sides.
“By the way, you look horrible,” Milhouse looked concerned as he picked up the bill. “Get a sick note for the rest of your notice period.” Even feeling guilty, I dreaded every second of my work; it wore me down tremendously.
“Here is a psychotherapist.” He slipped me her business card, who turned out to be my former landlady. I saw her the next day, and I was off for the next six weeks. I slept tight that night.
Monday, Late August, 3:00 pm
I got a call from Ernest. It sounded urgent.
“Did you see my screenshot?” He asked. It was an e-mail from Gary wanting to meet and discuss ways to improve their working relationship. It was obvious what Gary was trying to do.
It’s almost an open secret: Ernest and Bertram, each had a 25,000 € stake in PhuccSchitt, were not happy with Ace and Gary with their profligate spending, lazy marketing, and laissez-faire management. Earlier this year Ernest raised half a million Euros through a Chinese investor. Most of it ended up in Ace and Gary’s paychecks as well as office renovations. In comparison, Ace and Gary invested 20,000 €, together.
“Did Bertram receive the same e-mail from Gary?”
“No,” Ernest answered. “Gary never trusts any of us Ausländer’s in high positions. He was worried you and me would attempt a coup d’état. Maybe he fired you keep us in line.”
“And for the record I never took sides,” I exclaimed. I also told him not to put his grievances in writing. He did not take this up any further.
Unlike Ernest, Bertram took much more practical approach to all these. He already wrote off his investment and let Ace and Gary know he was on their side on almost every issue. For that, he had to worry a lot less about facing their wrath. Being a chum with Ace and Gary since Uni also helped a bit, I guess.
Preliminary Hearing, Early September, 1:00 pm
Milhouse and his pregnant wife, Luann, arrived in court; she was excited to see her husband in action. Ace and Gary appeared a few minutes later without legal counsel. I was told later Gary had been watching YouTube videos on labor disputes and convinced Ace they could fight it alone.
We were asked to wait while our judge was still presiding on a case where a woman sued her former employer for firing her over a mistake from her costing 57,000 € in damages, which the employer counter sued. Sensing a deadlock, the judge ordered a recess so that we could start.
It was gratifying to watch Gary scrambling for outlandish claims to make my termination look justifiable. He spoke of structural rationalization, pointed out my inability to conduct business in English due to my Asian heritage, and blamed Amir and Pedro for frequently saving my hide. What might work sporadically as sales call icebreakers did not fare well with the judge, who almost held Gary in contempt. Ace tried not to exacerbate the situation by maintaining a stoic composure.
We were done in no more than 10 minutes, and the next hearing was set at the end of October. The judge immediately returned to the other case.
“You still have a lot of work to do. Are you coming back tomorrow to finish it?” Ace asked me as we left the chamber, referring to my supposed knowledge and business transfer to Gary.
Milhouse quickly put himself between me and Ace. “My client won’t be able to meet his contractual obligations until the end of the period prescribed by his psychotherapist, which you also received.” Dissatisfied, Ace turned around and walked away quietly with Gary.
Three days later, my wife and I received an announcement from Milhouse and Luann on the birth of their first son, Frederick. And not long after that, Milhouse received an announcement from a Johannes von Lahnstein, a lawyer on international trade law in Munich, introduced to Gary through one of his old flames, who would represent Ace and Gary from then on.
Wednesday, Mid September, 8:00 am
My wife’s long time friend, Karen, was visiting us from the San Francisco, and I drove them early to the airport for a flight to Prague. Karen sympathized with me and tried to cast my doubts I still had on the lawsuit along the drive.
“Was the company in real immanent danger? And did they try do anything else before firing you?” She asked. “I am sure we both know the answers. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all.” I bade them a fun and safe journey and kissed my wife goodbye.
On the way back, I starting noticing an old, worn out town car, lingering on my rear view mirror. A town car was already a rarity in Germany, and letting your vehicle show visible signs of neglect was a cardinal sin for the locals. I could not get a good look at the driver, but it was one of Gary’s cars, the one he drove to work to show us how down-to-earth he was despite his old rich upbringing.
The town car kept trailing me, no matter how many abrupt turns I took, and how may yellow lights I floored. Eventually I returned home at around 10:30 am. It parked around the corner on the next street, with lights still on. I decided to drive around the block a few more times, pretending to find a better parking spot. The town car quickly followed few car spaces behind. Didn’t Gary have much better things to worry about than tagging his soon-to-be-former employee?
I sneaked back to my apartment and stayed there until I picked up my wife and Karen from the airport on Sunday. By then the town car was gone.
Monday, Late September, 2:00 pm
My phone rang. It was Janice from accounting. I picked up. Hearing an echo in her voice, I suspected Ace and Gary were listening in through the speaker. She went straight to the point.
“They want you to drop the case,” she stated. “It’s not up to me anymore.” I replied in reflex.
“What good would it bring you even if you win? They will make your life difficult. At least do this for my sake. I really like this job.”
“Then I hope you also carry a Rechtsschutzversicherung,” I told her. A lot of German employees carry such insurance to cover legal fees in case of termination. Contrary to claims on their labor laws, it is a lot easier to get sacked in Germany than you think.